Cruising the aisles of the online-dating superstore: Is it really You?

January 27, 5:07 PM
by Shawna Bowler, Denver Singles Scene Examiner

A few months ago I went on a date with a guy I met online. He seemed cool on paper. Or is it on screen? Doesn’t matter since the coolness did not come across in person. First off, he was too old for me. I mean, come on. Just because it’s the best picture you’ve ever taken does not excuse the fact that it was taken in 1995. Better to post a bad, but recent picture than a great, but really old picture. At least your date won’t be disappointed. Think about it, if you actually look younger or better in person than in your picture, the date can only get better from there.

Once the shock of his age settled in I realized that he must have hired someone to write his profile as well as every email he sent me. He was not at all as funny and entertaining in person as he was in writing. Not even close enough to make me think he may just have been nervous to meet in person. Oh boy, was he boring. I wound up doing most of the talking and making most of the jokes, just to keep the conversation entertaining while I plotted my escape.

To top it off, he brought me a rose, which I find far too presumptuous on the first date – especially since it was also the first time we had met. Incidentally, many women feel the same way I do about the whole rose-on-the-first-date thing. There is often a certain expectation that goes along with a gift like that. Marketers call it reciprocity. I call it creepy. I mean, this guy didn’t even know me. He didn’t know whether I like roses (I don’t) or even whether I might be allergic to them (I’m not, but he wouldn’t know that…). And what if he hated me? He hadn’t met me yet, how did he know that my profile picture wasn’t taken 15 years and 150 lbs ago?
Of course, he thought we had chemistry. During the occasional pause in the conversation I was having with myself at Pekoe Sip House in Cherry Creek North, he would bang on about how much chemistry we had, how chemistry is so important and how we definitely for sure had chemistry. Because, he’s been out with so many women who thought they had chemistry with him and he just didn’t feel it and it was so amazing how much chemistry we had and isn’t it rare to find someone with whom you have real chemistry and wow! the chemistry we had was almost palpable.

“Oh! That’s not Chemistry,” I wanted to tell him. “That’s the heebie-jeebies.”