By Tiffany Aumann

Those who unexpectedly find themselves facing the prospect of dating again should remember to take things slowly, even though their instinct — and changing social dynamics — might be pushing them forward.“Everything seems to be sped up,” says Richard Mentzer, of Moundbuilders Guidance Center.

Speed dating, which hit the singles scene in the late 1990s, promises a rapid-fire way to sort through prospective mates. Speed dates involve a short (less than 10 minutes) meeting with several people in about an hour’s session. In addition, Internet match sites connect people quickly based upon self-described attributes.

Both services help people meet a large pool of potential mates; however, they have their drawbacks, Mentzer says. Singles should be cautious about how much information they share online or with a new acquaintance.

“I’ve heard many successes through Match.com and eHarmony; I’ve also heard of plenty of failures,” he says. “It doesn’t replace personal development.”

Mentzer says people can learn a lot by simply watching someone from across a room. Many testimonials on speed dating Web sites support his idea. Participants state they met their future date or spouse while mingling during intermission with someone not matched to them by the dating service.

The best way to meet a new companion is through activities you enjoy — at church, outdoors or at sports events, for instance — and develop a relationship over time.

Dave and Shirley Coakley, married eight years, met through their church after their previous marriages failed. The Newark couple says it took time to heal and to invest in their own growth before they were ready to marry again. Shirley came to terms with the death of her first husband, while Dave worked on coming out of his shell after his confidence was damaged.

“There’s a lot of emotion surrounding the ending of any relationship,” Mentzer says. “Depending on how that’s occurred, how big a shock that’s been, it could take a significant period of adjustment.”

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